Following a day filled with meetings that ought to have been emails, along with handling bothersome colleagues,
stressing over deadlines
It can be tough to stay composed, isn’t it? When you finally make it to your car or cross the threshold of your house, you might feel like crying, shouting, or retreating to your bed behind a closed door.
For children, this phenomenon is known as “after-school restraintcollapse,” which occurs when they finally let their guard down after a long day of maintaining composure atschool.
term coined by
parenting coach and educator Andrea Loewen Nair
Throughout the entire day, they’ve had to interact with hostile children at recess, maintain good behavior, and exert mental effort, so it’s quite reasonable for them to burst into tears all of a sudden or appear irritable when they arrive back home.
However, this phenomenon isn’t exclusive to children; adults can also undergo it. It’s referred to as “post-work restraint collapse,” or PWRC briefly. In the section below, mental health professionals clarify what occurs during this situation and offer guidance on managing it.
The Psychology Underlying the Breakdown of Self-Control After Work
A single glance at what a typical day entails for most people, and the subsequent “collapse” becomes self-explanatory, doesn’t it?
“In today’s contemporary society, we find ourselves expected to manage everything: excelling in a demanding full-time position that frequently surpasses 40 hours weekly, maintaining a satisfying personal life, finding moments for physical activity, preparing nutritious dinners, going on trips, and striving for that precarious equilibrium between professional duties and private happiness,” as stated.
Jenny Maenpaa
a psychotherapist associated with Forward in Heels.
Work can take a lot out of us when we have to balance priorities, manage emotions and turn in solid deliverables, she added. “At some point, we run out of willpower and energy to keep the peace and exercise restraint, and we stop being able to hold it all together,” Maenpaa said.
The challenge often becomes more pronounced as the day comes to an end. “Upon arriving home, we feel secure enough to let out our genuine feelings,” she elaborated.
Nicholette Leanza
, a therapist at
LifeStance Health
.
Although everyone could potentially encounter this issue, certain individuals might be more susceptible. For instance, Maenpaa pointed out that managers along with those who have demanding careers are at greater risk.
toxic work environments
And inadequate time management. Leanza mentioned that roles involving extreme stress, pressure, disarray, or similar circumstances can lead to this sensation.
“This particularly affects individuals from
marginalized communities who are
expected to ‘code switch’
“During their workdays to retain their employment or ensure their safety,” stated
Emily Treichler
, a licensed clinical psychologist associated with Choosing Therapy. “This issue also affects neurodivergent individuals,”
disabled people
And individuals dealing with mental health issues face this even more, particularly when they must conceal parts of their identity to maintain employment or exert excessive effort beyond what feels naturally manageable at work.”
Signs You Might Be Dealing With Post-Work Restraint Collapse
Since this concept is fairly new, there’s no set list of signs, Treichler explained. That said, she believed a lot of it can be summed up by one word: exhaustion.
This could appear as “a feeling of emptiness and lacking the energy for additional pursuits, including activities you typically find enjoyable such as working out, being with loved ones, engaging in social events, or pursuing hobbies,” according to Treichler.
Emotionally,
you might experience burnout
“It may also encompass various other elements such as heightened sensitivity, increased irritability, or reduced patience,” explained Treichler. “This could manifest as struggling with impulsive behavior, perhaps blurting out unintended comments to your significant other, or stopping at a drive-thru instead of preparing a meal upon returning home.”
The impacts aren’t solely psychological. “These issues may also result in physical symptoms such as headaches, stomachaches, backaches, among others,” according to Leanza.
Maenpaa indicated when these indicators might show up — typically during the transition from work to home. “Individually, these symptoms frequently indicate conditions like anxiety, depression, or some other emotional disturbance,” she explained. “However, if they consistently arise within this particular timeframe each day, they could signal a distinct trigger linked with your job and finishing work.”
Is It Possible to Prevent or Get Ready for a Post-Work Restraining Order Breakdown?
To sum up, absolutely. Let’s break it down step by step, starting from those early morning hours all the way through to when you head home.
he first move is adjusting your expectations, according to Maenpaa.
“Like most unpleasant things in life, a little bit of foresight and preparation can go a long way in minimizing negative impact,” she said. “Instead of fighting ourselves and saying, ‘I’m going to resolve to be in a great mood when I get home!’ and then getting angry with ourselves for failing, we can accept reality while also managing the symptoms of PWRC.”
Furthermore, she recommended preparing beforehand for what you anticipate needing post-work. This could involve
setting out easy snacks
for making a enjoyable music list.
Next, when you’re working, ensure you implement protective strategies like maintaining effective stress management techniques, establishing limits at your workplace (this might involve being more willing to decline additional tasks), and regularly taking short breaks during the day to help mitigate feelings of being overburdened, as suggested by Leanza.
While heading back home — or during those moments when you’re wrapping up your workday after finishing all your tasks, particularly if you work from home —
decompress
Leanza suggested choices like tuning into your preferred podcast or playlist, or opting for a quiet ride back home. Choose whatever suits you best.
Treichler advocated for adopting a longer-term strategy to avoid the breakdown of work-related constraints. “A key preventive measure is choosing professions and job settings that foster and maintain a wholesome atmosphere,” she stated.
Although many aspects are quite common, such as being shown respect, some can vary from person to person,” she noted. “For instance, certain individuals might discover that having stable daily work schedules helps maintain their well-being and decreasesPWRC; however, for others, this consistency could result in increased PWRC.”
Within your job, she continued, consider what leads to post-work restraint collapse and how might you be able to address it. This might look like meeting up with a friend for lunch, getting your most annoying tasks out of the way in the morning or working in a different space in the office.
How To Cope
An overarching emphasis on validation and normalization is key. “Dealing with restraint collapse can be tough,” Treichler said. “One important step can be validating how you feel in that moment, just acknowledging, ‘Wow, I really felt pushed beyond my capacity today, and now I’m really exhausted.’ Caring for yourself means honoring how you feel.”
Then jump into self-care mode. “Maybe you need to get out and take a walk in nature, do something fun with a friend or simply watch something on your favorite streaming service,” Leanza said. Playing calming music and taking a warm bath are also great options, she added.
She strongly trusts the effectiveness of physical movement, citing evidence from studies. For instance,
2016 study in “
Cognition & Emotion”
Acute aerobic exercises have been found to decrease negative feelings. “This doesn’t necessarily mean heading to the gym,” Leanza stated. “It could involve activities such as dancing, hiking, or practicing yoga—whatever makes you feel good.”
Maenpaa proposed organizing a dance session with your children, yelling into a cushion alone for several minutes, channeling your frustration through a Peloton workout, expressing your feelings through writing in a diary, or practicing meditation and reciting positive affirmations until you achieve serenity.
Feeling overwhelmed by choices and unable to make a decision? Treichler suggested syncing your actions with your core beliefs. “It could involve strengthening bonds with family and friends, participating in activities aligned with what matters most to you—such as pursuing hobbies—and limiting screen time, particularly if you work at a desk,” she advised.
Although exercising and participating actively are crucial considerations, rest should not be overlooked. As Treichler advised, “Ensure that you genuinely allow your mind to relax.” Engaging in rest can involve taking a short nap, practicing mindfulness, or spending time on soothing activities such as stroking your dog or enjoying tranquil tunes.
In the end, the aim is to allow yourself to experience your emotions.
and
To release them. “Remembering that your feelings fluctuate just as ocean waves hit the shore teaches you that every emotion has its moment,” Maenpaa explained, “and that expressing your unfavorable emotions constructively creates space for joyful ones to appear more quickly.”
