The role of a parent is not to protect their child from life’s difficulties, but to
guide them through
— providing assistance and resources to
assist them in flourishing during challenging periods
.
As a
children’s life specialist and counselor
I have collaborated with numerous children and their families as they navigate through illnesses, traumas, grief, and losses. Throughout this time, I’ve noticed specific phrases and behaviors indicating when a child is developing healthy coping mechanisms for life’s unavoidable challenges.
It’s not about maintaining composure or refraining from crying. Instead, it involves employing tactics and abilities to handle, endure, and lessen stress as it occurs. This is precisely why kids who deal with situations effectively
are likely to possess strong emotional intelligence
They excel at recognizing their own emotions and employ constructive methods to handle them effectively.
Pay attention to these six phrases you may often hear from children with high emotional intelligence:
1. It’s alright to feel sad.
Children who possess strong emotional intelligence probably do so because of
reliable grown-ups who have instructed them
It’s alright to shed tears and every emotion is acceptable.
They understand that it’s normal to experience sadness, anger, frustration, or worry when faced with challenging circumstances. Similarly, they’ve come to realize that it’s perfectly fine to enjoy happy, joyous, or lighthearted moments even amidst difficult periods.
2. ‘I require some distance’
Kids who have good coping mechanisms can identify and handle their feelings effectively. They recognize the early signals such as quickened thinking, an increased heart rate, tight muscles, or butterflies in their stomach, and they feel at ease requesting what they require.
They could go to their ”
coping corner
To allow themselves the opportunity for deep breathing exercises using predetermined techniques. For instance, they could grab a pinwheel or blow bubbles as aids.
They likely learned these skills by watching their parents model self-regulation and open communication.
3. ‘Are you okay?’
Emotionally intelligent children can
recognize emotions in others
, too. They understand that both adults and kids can have big feelings during difficult times, and that everyone copes differently.
They could be the first to realize that when their
friend
When someone is upset, they might require some space or a comforting hug, and both responses are acceptable.
Empathy toward others comes naturally for them and they demonstrate ease and comfort listening to another’s perspective, respecting their needs, and working together.
They realize that despite their parent being emotional, they can still feel love, care, and safety.
4. ‘I don’t like…’
Children who’ve practiced
setting boundaries
People who know how they want to be treated generally possess high emotional intelligence. They can efficiently convey their requirements, desires, and emotions while also being considerate of the other individual’s feelings.
They could express, “I dislike when you utilize my belongings without permission,” or, “I hate being uncertain about what will happen next.” Alternatively, they may voice other comments beginning with:
- “I’m not okay with…”
- I’d rather not discuss…
- I don’t find it pleasant/humorous when…
They also make sure to consider and respect the needs of both their peers and siblings.
5. ‘I erred’
This statement suggests that a child possesses self-reflection abilities and remains unburdened by shame. Rather than fearing errors or acknowledging them with trepidation, they can discuss these issues openly and engage in finding solutions to enhance the scenario or condition at hand.
They also acknowledge where they could have improved or acted differently since they understand that mistakes are part of our learning process.
grow, learn, and develop
through challenges.
6. ‘I have an idea’
Confidence
and
creativity
in problem-solving are signs of emotional intelligence and healthy coping. Kids who’ve faced difficult situations have learned to work together with their peers and trusted adults to find reasonable solutions or paths forward.
They feel confident expressing their opinions, ideas, and qualities, while also listening and learning from others.
When kids navigate obstacles and consequences in a safe environment, they can develop decision-making skills and flexibility while also cultivating emotional awareness and self-esteem.
It starts with you
If your kids aren’t saying these things yet, don’t worry. Emotional intelligence and coping skills take time to develop and often begin with parenting.
Simply start by saying these things yourself. Kids learn best from what’s modeled for them.
Kelsey Mora
is Certified Child Life Specialist and Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor who provides custom support, guidance, and resources to parents, families, and communities impacted by medical conditions, trauma, grief, and everyday life stress. She is a private practice owner, mom of two, the creator and author of
The Method Workbooks
, and the Chief Clinical Officer of the nonprofit organization
Pickles Group
.
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